The Sellers' Honeymoon Travelogue
by Ethan Sellers

  Venezia - see it before it sinks

Venice Day One:

We had an early train, but the early-morning train routine is getting to be "old hat" for us. Luckily, we'd had the foresight to purchase tickets with reserved seating. Lillie didn't think it mattered where we sat, until we saw how crowded it was. I realized then that the reserved seats were for real, and our only guarantee of seating for the three-hour trip.

We had gotten on the wrong car, so we got off the train and found the correct car. We picked the wrong side and had to slowly make our way through an overcrowded train filled with tourists with suitcases far too large to be considerate of their fellow passengers. We came upon yet another gaggle of girls - Canadians this time - in our assigned seats, and greeted them with the bad news. Being Canadians, they were very mellow and polite about it.

The folks who held tickets for the seats across from us were another just-married couple from Houston, TX and - I believe - Lafayette, LA. They were very nice people, but - again - we were sort of taken aback by some things they said.

The wife is Catholic and the husband Baptist. Owing to the wife's Catholic upbringing, they elected to stay in Rome near the Vatican for their whole honeymoon except for today, when they were making a "day trip" to Venice. Of course, Venice and Rome are like 6 hours apart in either direction, so this was a little insane as far as Lillie and I were concerned, but hey whatever.

My/Lillie's personal favorite "REALLY??-isms" from them were, (1) "We're going to lunch at the Hard Rock Cafe in Rome tomorrow and pick up some souvenirs," (2) "We don't really care for the pizza here - it's more of a thin-crust. We had that at the pizza place I managed back home, and I never liked it there, either," (3) "We don't even try to speak Italian," and (4) "When they tell us to stop taking pictures in the museum, we just find a sneakier way to keep taking them."

I still love America, but do the majority of us HAVE to be such Philistines when abroad? Despite all of these horrifying disclosures, I actually liked the couple.

Venice, although completely topographically different from Siena, shared the common trait of being a city somewhat frozen in time, with attendant navigational frustrations for new arrivals. As with Siena, we arrived hungry. Actually, Lillie arrived hungry, as I was still working my way through my stash of steak sandwiches. At least, this time, one of us wasn't cranky from hunger.

Arriving in Venice, we decided to buy train tickets in advance, to insure seats on the train to Milan, since we figured they might be as scarce going out of Venice as they are when coming in. Naturally, most of the ticket machines were broken and the one that worked was confusing, so we ended up in line for a real person.

Next up, waiting in the wrong lines for the Vaporetto, which is basically a boat-bus. Information is in short supply, and at least one came and left before we got clued-in. Other similarly-lost tourists followed us to the wrong stop as if we knew what we were doing.

While dealing with this matter, I got a series of phone calls on my cell, presumably from our rental apartment landlord. Every time I picked up, however, I couldn't hear anything. When I tried to call the number back or use one of the other lines, I got someone on the other end who lectured me about international dialing on the assumption that I was using a phone from Italy. Nice. Thanks, buddy.

About two weeks later and long after we'd returned to the United States from our trip, I would finally get the voice-mail from that day, asking why we were an hour late for our appointment. Way to go with the international roaming and voice-mail, AT&T, Vodaphone, and Orange. Apparently, even electrons get lost when navigating Medieval towns.

We finally managed to get on a vaporetto that would take us somewhere from which we could navigate to our room, a process which involves a certain amount of pushing, so as not to end up in the canal rather than the boat.

I worked out our winding route from the vaporetto stop to our apartment with the aid of a fairly decent map we'd bought at the train station. Venice's medieval streets are so winding and unpredictable - with dead-ends and sidewalks that abruptly put you right into the canal - that the trip would have been impossible - or would have taken three times as long without it. This latter assertion would be proven the following day.

We arrived at some variant of the address, but couldn't find the exact one, so we enlisted the help of a nearby restauranteur. He got on his cell and - a few minutes later - our landlady arrived. It turns out that the unit was upstairs from the restaurant, and that our location was actually just a few yards from a vaporetto stop for another line, which would have been useful to know ahead of time....

The apartment itself was HUGE and beautiful. I'd guess that we had about 600-700 square feet of space, complete with king-sized bed, kitchen, one of the largest bathrooms of our trip, and a living room.

Our contact only spoke Italian, but I understood enough of what she said as she talked and pointed to things that this was no problem. Probably the most critical thing that she demonstrated was the opening/closing of the unit's shutter-like windows, which had a brilliant (almost Transformers-esque) dual mode of "open" - one that tipped in from the top, and one that opened inwards like a door. Very clever.

After she left, Lillie and I drank some coffee and ate a little herbed risotto that Lillie made from what she'd found in the kitchen cabinets, then crashed out on the living room's two couches for an afternoon nap. I awoke before Lillie, did some reading-up on how to spend the rest of our day and the next day.

Unfortunately, we slept through the sunny part of the afternoon, and it started dumping rain on us as we got to the nearby vaporetto station. Our goal was to try to take in some of the Biennale art exhibition, but we got on the wrong vaporetto and ended up taking the long way there. This really was no tragedy in the end, as our vaporetto ride took us around the Murano island known for artisinal blown glass and kept us under cover during the short period of pouring rain.

En route, we overheard conversation by more fellow Americans of a completely different stripe. This bunch was a pride of cougars in town for the Biennale. On the plus side, they actually knew a few things about art and Italy. On the minus side, they were clearly aspiring modern art sugar-mamas from the New York exurbs. Sample quote, "I'll be going to the opening party tonight. It's invite-only..." If it's invite-only, then why blab about it, except to rub it in everyone's face that you are such a high-roller?

We arrived at the Biennale site to find that it was closing down for the day and cost 15 Euro per person to get in. It looked like they were still charging admission, but I didn't feel like haggling for a pro-rated admission - so we proceeded onward. In the end, we saw about as much modern art incidentally as we probably had interest in seeing - there were various street performances of avant garde dance and numerous satellite exhibitions that were free to the public.

We wound our way through various streets to what I would call an "old man" Italian restaurant that had been recommended to us by one of Annie's friends. Nothing nouveau about it, but there were plenty of Biennalists in the joint and there was a line around the block by the time we left. We were seated at a table that we shared with some Austrians, who were nice enough. Since Venice is right on the water, seafood is the thing to do. We got gnocchi with crabmeat sauce, salad, some fish, and half-carafes of white and red wine.

After dinner, we made our way to the Piazza San Marco, to take in the "dueling orchestras," which are basically just two classical/jazz ensembles playing at adjacent cafes in the square. Rather than play over each other, they just take turns. Since the seating area for each was mostly flooded (which is the case about 100 days out of every year), we stood a hundred yards back and took in a few minutes of music before moving on.

Our way home took us over the famous Rialto Bridge, which is a landmark that didn't really register that significantly with me, other than that it's an impressively-engineered bridge for the period. We stopped at a cool wine bar in the neighborhood near the bridge and enjoyed a Soave (white wine from the Veneto region) and a Merlot with enough tannen in it to make me forgive it for being a Merlot.

Around the corner from the bar, a crowd had gathered in the square where a barge had put down anchor and had a DJ playing techno and projecting images on the side of the building. It was neat, presumably Biennale-related, and a little surreal. About a yard at the very edges of the square was under a quarter-inch of water. There was something all at once cool, fun, and sad about an open-air dance party in a sinking city.

Lillie and I decided to take our own party back home. We made a literal leap of faith (the water was a little choppy and the boat was lurching) onto the next vaporetto, without double-checking to make sure that it was the right one. In a pleasant reversal of the day's fortunes, this was exactly the right vaporetto and only one stop away from where we needed to disembark.

We got a beer and some wine from a pizza place, and drank it while sitting outside and taking in the activity in the square, as drunks passed by and shopkeeps closed up for the night.

Thanks to our shutters, large bed, and ear plugs, we slept very deeply.

Venice Day Two:

I ate a leisurely breakfast watching MTV Europe until Lillie woke up. It was interesting to see what gets played on Italian MTV - more AAA and techno/dance, and a LOT less hip-hop and metal. Can't complain. The new Eminem video is kinda cool, and now I finally can put a song/face to this Lady GaGa person I'd read about. The musician in me is underwhelmed by Lady GaGa and I don't think she's all that cute, but I have that stupid hook to "Poker Face" lodged in my brain, now. Damn her.

Some of the English-language AAA acts sounded just like the radio from 3-5 years ago, which led me to speculate that American artists get a second life in foreign markets after the US has moved on. Maybe I'll send Tautologic's demo to the A&R for foreign subsidiaries of major labels... kidding.... Or maybe not....

Having walked most of the way home last night, we decided to wander over to St. Mark's without getting on the vaporetto. We could have used a vaporetto in the square itself, as it was even more flooded than the day before. Foot traffic was limited to some very narrow dry spots, places where the uneven pavement was less-submerged, and some areas where elevated pedestrian walkways had been put into place.

St. Mark's Basilica is a very cool Byzantine style cathedral, apparently built in the style as part of an alliance with the Eastern branch of the Christian church, since they were trying to fend off the influence of Rome. I think it's interesting that architectural style is a sort of political statement in this case, and it reinforces what Lillie had told me about Italians identifying more strongly with their hometown/region than they do with the nation.

After St. Mark's, we visited the Doge's Palace, which connects to Europe's first prison via Bridge of Sighs. It goes without saying that the Palace was beautiful, enormous, and impressive and that the prison looked like an unpleasant place to spend a few years or the rest of your life. I found it interesting to have a prison so close in proximity to the seat of power - seems a little ill-advised, in the event of a jailbreak.

After the palace, we elected to simply wander around Venice, walking across the canal to the other side, then back again over the Calatrava bridge under construction near the train/bus stations. We had lunch at a cafe. We had salad, pizza, and spinach. There were some high-spirited Finlanders at the table next to us, and they were very friendly. They'd been at a wedding in the Veneto and elected to drop by Venice before heading home.

We got lost somewhere on the north side of Venice, in an area that seemed to be more recently-built than the historic quarters where we were staying and most of our tourist stuff took us.

We got some groceries and other necessities along the way, but our attempt to buy fruit was thwarted by the fact that we hadn't weighed it before getting in line. Apparently, the technology for scanners with built-in weights hadn't made their way into Italian supermarkets to the same degree that it has in the US.

Feeling some measure of gratitude for our downstairs neighbors for helping us contact our landlady, I talked Lillie into having dinner at the restaurant below our apartment, which is basically a pizza and beer place. We split a calzone and orders of grilled vegetables and the first chicken I'd seen on the menu all trip long. Since Lillie loves chicken, I figured that we'd order it. Unfortunately, the chicken turned out to be chicken nuggets. I suppose that this was an object lesson to do as Venetians do when in Venice.

I suppose that I also should have been more mercenary in our restaurant selection, as I'm sure that the owner's sense of a good deed returned was probably nowhere nearly as great our sense of disappointment in what we'd ordered. I probably also should have paid more attention to what seemed to be Lilllie's strong reservations about the place. This was arguably the worst meal we had in Italy.

We had an early morning train to Milan, so we had a quiet early night. In the process of having a low-key night-cap, I learned that limoncello definitely needs to be chilled before drinking.

 

The Grand Canal

The tricky parts to navigating Venice: No grid or logic, very few streets longer than a block, virtually no straight streets, and tons of streets that dead-end or put you in the water. Aside from that... easy...

Just past Lillie's head, a DJ with sound and light systems was spinning from a barge and projecting images on the wall of the building. Ordinarily, I could care less about techno, but this worked for me.

If you look closely, you'll see that part of the pavement is submerged. Presumably, at one point, the edge was clear. Now the water has reached land-level, and covers a foot and a half into the paved area with an eighth-inch of water. The juxtaposition of this gradual immersion of land and the disco brought to mind Nero fiddling while Rome burnt or maybe Prince's apocalyptic dance tune, "1999."

I asked Lillie if she wanted to do a gondola ride. Really, I did. We looked at the price (80 Euro) and passed.

A Medieval system whereby you could narc on your fellow Venetian - just write your accusation down and slip it through the dude's mouth. Fortunately for the accused, the Venetian authorities rarely paid attention to these notices, even more rarely investigated, and almost never made an arrest.

Campanile

The brand-new (actually, still under construction and WAY over budget) Calatrava bridge, which lacks proper handicap access and doesn't in the least bit fit in with Venice's existing architecture. At least Venice's Calatrava is mostly built. The Chicago spire designed by Calatrava is just a big hole in the ground and a bunch of unpaid bills and lawsuits.

 
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