The Sellers' Honeymoon Travelogue
by Ethan Sellers
Venezia - see it before it sinks
Venice Day One:
We had an early train, but the early-morning train routine
is getting to be "old hat" for us.
Luckily, we'd had the foresight to
purchase tickets with reserved seating.
Lillie didn't think it mattered where we
sat, until we saw how crowded it was. I
realized then that the reserved seats were
for real, and our only guarantee of
seating for the three-hour trip.
We had gotten on the wrong car, so we got
off the train and found the correct car.
We picked the wrong side and had to slowly
make our way through an overcrowded train
filled with tourists with suitcases far too
large to be considerate of their fellow
passengers. We came upon yet another
gaggle of girls - Canadians this time - in
our assigned seats, and greeted them with
the bad news. Being Canadians, they were
very mellow and polite about it.
The folks who held tickets for the seats
across from us were another just-married
couple from Houston, TX and - I believe -
Lafayette, LA. They were very nice
people, but - again - we were sort of
taken aback by some things they said.
The wife is Catholic and the husband Baptist.
Owing to the wife's Catholic upbringing,
they elected to stay in Rome near the
Vatican for their whole honeymoon except
for today, when they were making a "day
trip" to Venice. Of course, Venice and
Rome are like 6 hours apart in either
direction, so this was a little insane as
far as Lillie and I were concerned, but
hey whatever.
My/Lillie's personal favorite
"REALLY??-isms" from them were, (1) "We're
going to lunch at the Hard Rock Cafe in
Rome tomorrow and pick up some souvenirs,"
(2) "We don't really care for the pizza
here - it's more of a thin-crust. We had
that at the pizza place I managed back
home, and I never liked it there, either,"
(3) "We don't even try to speak Italian,"
and (4) "When they tell us to stop taking
pictures in the museum, we just find a
sneakier way to keep taking them."
I still love America, but do the majority
of us HAVE to be such Philistines when
abroad? Despite all of these horrifying
disclosures, I actually liked the couple.
Venice, although completely
topographically different from Siena,
shared the common trait of being a city
somewhat frozen in time, with attendant
navigational frustrations for new
arrivals. As with Siena, we arrived
hungry. Actually, Lillie arrived hungry,
as I was still working my way through my
stash of steak sandwiches. At least, this
time, one of us wasn't cranky from hunger.
Arriving in Venice, we decided to buy
train tickets in advance, to insure seats
on the train to Milan, since we figured
they might be as scarce going out of
Venice as they are when coming in.
Naturally, most of the ticket machines
were broken and the one that worked was
confusing, so we ended up in line for a
real person.
Next up, waiting in the wrong lines for
the Vaporetto, which is basically a
boat-bus. Information is in short supply,
and at least one came and left before we
got clued-in. Other similarly-lost
tourists followed us to the wrong stop as
if we knew what we were doing.
While dealing with this matter, I got a
series of phone calls on my cell,
presumably from our rental apartment
landlord. Every time I picked up,
however, I couldn't hear anything. When I
tried to call the number back or use one
of the other lines, I got someone on the
other end who lectured me about
international dialing on the assumption
that I was using a phone from Italy.
Nice. Thanks, buddy.
About two weeks later and long after we'd returned
to the United States from our trip, I would finally get
the voice-mail from that day, asking why
we were an hour late for our appointment.
Way to go with the international roaming
and voice-mail, AT&T, Vodaphone, and
Orange. Apparently, even electrons get lost
when navigating Medieval towns.
We finally managed to get on a vaporetto
that would take us somewhere from which we
could navigate to our room, a process
which involves a certain amount of
pushing, so as not to end up in the canal
rather than the boat.
I worked out our winding route from the
vaporetto stop to our apartment with the
aid of a fairly decent map we'd bought at
the train station. Venice's medieval
streets are so winding and unpredictable -
with dead-ends and sidewalks that abruptly
put you right into the canal - that the
trip would have been impossible - or would
have taken three times as long without it.
This latter assertion would be proven the
following day.
We arrived at some variant of the address,
but couldn't find the exact one, so we
enlisted the help of a nearby
restauranteur. He got on his cell and - a
few minutes later - our landlady arrived.
It turns out that the unit was upstairs
from the restaurant, and that our location
was actually just a few yards from a
vaporetto stop for another line, which
would have been useful to know ahead of
time....
The apartment itself was HUGE and
beautiful. I'd guess that we had about
600-700 square feet of space, complete
with king-sized bed, kitchen, one of the
largest bathrooms of our trip, and a
living room.
Our contact only spoke Italian, but I
understood enough of what she said as she
talked and pointed to things that this was
no problem. Probably the most critical
thing that she demonstrated was the
opening/closing of the unit's shutter-like
windows, which had a brilliant (almost
Transformers-esque) dual mode of "open" -
one that tipped in from the top, and one
that opened inwards like a door. Very
clever.
After she left, Lillie and I drank some
coffee and ate a little herbed risotto
that Lillie made from what she'd found in
the kitchen cabinets, then crashed out on
the living room's two couches for an
afternoon nap. I awoke before Lillie, did
some reading-up on how to spend the rest
of our day and the next day.
Unfortunately, we slept through the sunny
part of the afternoon, and it started
dumping rain on us as we got to the nearby
vaporetto station. Our goal was to try to
take in some of the Biennale art
exhibition, but we got on the wrong
vaporetto and ended up taking the long way
there. This really was no tragedy in the
end, as our vaporetto ride took us around
the Murano island known for artisinal
blown glass and kept us under cover during
the short period of pouring rain.
En route, we overheard conversation by
more fellow Americans of a completely
different stripe. This bunch was a pride
of cougars in town for the Biennale. On
the plus side, they actually knew a few
things about art and Italy. On the minus
side, they were clearly aspiring modern
art sugar-mamas from the New York exurbs.
Sample quote, "I'll be going to the
opening party tonight. It's invite-only..."
If it's invite-only, then why blab about
it, except to rub it in everyone's face
that you are such a high-roller?
We arrived at the Biennale site to find
that it was closing down for the day and
cost 15 Euro per person to get in. It
looked like they were still charging
admission, but I didn't feel like haggling
for a pro-rated admission - so we
proceeded onward. In the end, we saw
about as much modern art incidentally as
we probably had interest in seeing - there
were various street performances of avant
garde dance and numerous satellite
exhibitions that were free to the public.
We wound our way through various streets
to what I would call an "old man" Italian
restaurant that had been recommended to us
by one of Annie's friends. Nothing
nouveau about it, but there were plenty of
Biennalists in the joint and there was a
line around the block by the time we left.
We were seated at a table that we shared
with some Austrians, who were nice enough.
Since Venice is right on the water,
seafood is the thing to do. We got
gnocchi with crabmeat sauce, salad, some
fish, and half-carafes of white and red
wine.
After dinner, we made our way to the
Piazza San Marco, to take in the "dueling
orchestras," which are basically just two
classical/jazz ensembles playing at
adjacent cafes in the square. Rather than
play over each other, they just take
turns. Since the seating area for each
was mostly flooded (which is the case
about 100 days out of every year), we
stood a hundred yards back and took in a
few minutes of music before moving on.
Our way home took us over the famous
Rialto Bridge, which is a landmark that
didn't really register that significantly
with me, other than that it's an
impressively-engineered bridge for the
period. We stopped at a cool wine bar in
the neighborhood near the bridge and
enjoyed a Soave (white wine from the
Veneto region) and a Merlot with enough
tannen in it to make me forgive it for
being a Merlot.
Around the corner from the bar, a crowd
had gathered in the square where a barge
had put down anchor and had a DJ playing
techno and projecting images on the side
of the building. It was neat, presumably
Biennale-related, and a little surreal.
About a yard at the very edges of the
square was under a quarter-inch of water.
There was something all at once cool, fun,
and sad about an open-air dance party in a
sinking city.
Lillie and I decided to take our own party
back home. We made a literal leap of
faith (the water was a little choppy and
the boat was lurching) onto the next
vaporetto, without double-checking to make
sure that it was the right one. In a
pleasant reversal of the day's fortunes,
this was exactly the right vaporetto and
only one stop away from where we needed to
disembark.
We got a beer and some wine from a pizza
place, and drank it while sitting outside
and taking in the activity in the square,
as drunks passed by and shopkeeps closed
up for the night.
Thanks to our shutters, large bed, and ear
plugs, we slept very deeply.
Venice Day Two:
I ate a leisurely breakfast watching MTV
Europe until Lillie woke up. It was
interesting to see what gets played on
Italian MTV - more AAA and techno/dance,
and a LOT less hip-hop and metal. Can't
complain. The new Eminem video is kinda
cool, and now I finally can put a
song/face to this Lady GaGa person I'd
read about. The musician in me is
underwhelmed by Lady GaGa and I don't
think she's all that cute, but I have that
stupid hook to "Poker Face" lodged in my
brain, now. Damn her.
Some of the English-language AAA acts
sounded just like the radio from 3-5 years
ago, which led me to speculate that
American artists get a second life in
foreign markets after the US has moved on.
Maybe I'll send Tautologic's demo to the
A&R for foreign subsidiaries of major
labels... kidding.... Or maybe not....
Having walked most of the way home last
night, we decided to wander over to St.
Mark's without getting on the vaporetto.
We could have used a vaporetto in the
square itself, as it was even more flooded
than the day before. Foot traffic was
limited to some very narrow dry spots,
places where the uneven pavement was
less-submerged, and some areas where
elevated pedestrian walkways had been put
into place.
St. Mark's Basilica is a very cool
Byzantine style cathedral, apparently
built in the style as part of an alliance
with the Eastern branch of the Christian
church, since they were trying to fend off
the influence of Rome. I think it's
interesting that architectural style is a
sort of political statement in this case,
and it reinforces what Lillie had told me
about Italians identifying more strongly
with their hometown/region than they do
with the nation.
After St. Mark's, we visited the Doge's
Palace, which connects to Europe's first
prison via Bridge of Sighs. It goes
without saying that the Palace was
beautiful, enormous, and impressive and
that the prison looked like an unpleasant
place to spend a few years or the rest of
your life. I found it interesting to have
a prison so close in proximity to the seat
of power - seems a little ill-advised, in
the event of a jailbreak.
After the palace, we elected to simply
wander around Venice, walking across the
canal to the other side, then back again
over the Calatrava bridge under
construction near the train/bus stations.
We had lunch at a cafe. We had salad,
pizza, and spinach. There were some
high-spirited Finlanders at the table next
to us, and they were very friendly.
They'd been at a wedding in the Veneto and
elected to drop by Venice before heading
home.
We got lost somewhere on the north side of
Venice, in an area that seemed to be more
recently-built than the historic quarters
where we were staying and most of our
tourist stuff took us.
We got some
groceries and other necessities along the
way, but our attempt to buy fruit was
thwarted by the fact that we hadn't
weighed it before getting in line.
Apparently, the technology for scanners
with built-in weights hadn't made their
way into Italian supermarkets to the same
degree that it has in the US.
Feeling some measure of gratitude for our
downstairs neighbors for helping us
contact our landlady, I talked Lillie into
having dinner at the restaurant below our apartment, which is
basically a pizza and beer place. We
split a calzone and orders of grilled
vegetables and the first chicken I'd seen
on the menu all trip long. Since Lillie
loves chicken, I figured that we'd order it.
Unfortunately,
the chicken turned out to be chicken
nuggets. I suppose that this was an
object lesson to do as Venetians do when
in Venice.
I suppose that I also should
have been more mercenary in our restaurant
selection, as I'm sure that the owner's
sense of a good deed returned was probably
nowhere nearly as great our sense of
disappointment in what we'd ordered. I
probably also should have paid more
attention to what seemed to be Lilllie's
strong reservations about the place. This
was arguably the worst meal we had in
Italy.
We had an early morning train to Milan, so
we had a quiet early night. In the
process of having a low-key night-cap, I
learned that limoncello definitely needs
to be chilled before drinking.
The Grand Canal
The tricky parts to navigating Venice: No grid or logic, very few streets longer than a block, virtually no straight
streets, and tons of streets that dead-end or put you in the water. Aside from that... easy...
Just past Lillie's head, a DJ with sound and light systems was spinning from a barge and projecting images on the wall of
the building. Ordinarily, I could care less about techno, but this worked for me.
If you look closely, you'll see that part of the pavement is submerged. Presumably, at one point, the edge was clear. Now the water has reached land-level, and covers a foot and a half into
the paved area with an eighth-inch of water. The juxtaposition of this gradual immersion of land and the disco brought to mind Nero fiddling while Rome burnt or maybe Prince's apocalyptic dance
tune, "1999."
I asked Lillie if she wanted to do a gondola ride. Really, I did. We looked at the price (80 Euro) and passed.
A Medieval system whereby you could narc
on your fellow Venetian - just write your
accusation down and slip it through the
dude's mouth. Fortunately for the
accused, the Venetian authorities rarely
paid attention to these notices, even more
rarely investigated, and almost never made
an arrest.
Campanile
The brand-new (actually, still under construction and WAY over budget) Calatrava bridge, which lacks proper handicap access
and doesn't in the least bit fit in with Venice's existing architecture. At least Venice's Calatrava is mostly built. The
Chicago spire designed by Calatrava is just a big hole in the ground and a bunch of unpaid bills and lawsuits.